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5:23 p.m. - 2022-11-15
twitter dump

So I think I'm gonna bail on twitter. Its decline over the course of two weeks has been as depressing as it was predictable and a cue perhaps to give pause. It was cool to interact w/published writers and musicians and academics and bright young minds and the like but yeah I sucked at the format. I mean, I can write a one-liner with the best of them...it just takes me two and a half pages to establish context. So I'm gonna dump these here for now. Here on our little life-raft on the pacific periphery of this big dumb storm. And feel free to use any of this however you want: song lyrics, greeting cards, epitaphs etc.

~ ~ ~

-Of late, I find courtroom confrontation in a movie to be as boring a trope as a fight scene. Or a make-out. Also a mix-up. Or a creature...I don't care anymore. Throw a pie and roll credits, already.

- I need to see more of the Lesser Goldfinch.

-Languorous half-interest is, in my experience, an underestimated part of the lady sex-arsenal.

- As an atheist shut-in who dreads obligatory cheer, saccharine music and crass commercialism, Christmas should be my least favorite time of year. But goddamn it man the tamales.

- Been watching a lot of 60's British “sexploitation” films lately. I find them strangely utopian in the sense that EVERYONE just wants to shag and frug and shimmy all the f*cking time. Like there's ecstasy in the tea or something. It's great.

- So many characters in last night's dream, none of whom would take direction.

- I'd always pictured my mid-life crisis as like, higher-budget.

- The view from the window: local. The view in the mirror: express.

-Turned into the ranch before sunrise this morning and had to brake for a tiny fawn who stood rigid, staring into my high-beams. “Move!” I yelled, leaning on the horn. “Do you want to grow up to be a f*cking cliché?”

-Yet another “realized” porn-fantasy scenario turns out to be like, more work than you'd think, actually.

- Lips around the box-wine spout like it was the devil's own breakfast tit.

- "Lights on" is not a good look for my apartment.

-Just can't seem to meet a wealthy widow who's as into The Jesus Lizard as I am.

-Looked around the Thanksgiving table and realized: I’m the only opinionated drunk uncle in attendance. Feeling some pressure to perform here...

-Whenever I find a fossilized oyster shell atop some landlocked summit, I’m amazed not only by how much the earth has changed, but also by how much the oyster has not. (“Hey, so the Triassic Period is ending, do you guys want to evolve or...”
“Nah we good.”)

-Ever consider, from an ethological perspective, the appeal of cooking shows vis-à-vis other (more traditional) forms of pornography? Pondering as someone quarantined w/out a kitchen and/or girlfriend.

-At my last gig we licensed w/Disney for Star Wars branded products...SO MANY serious e-mails and conference calls about some 70's sci-fi shit! Policing that canon like biblical scholars for the sake of THE BRAND. Anyway I never did find out if the gold robot was gay or what.

-So of course we get a “socially distant” pandemic instead of the “emotionally unavailable” one I'd been prepping for.

-The problem with me when I'm looting an AutoZone is that I can never remember what size battery the truck takes.

-Ever watch crows draft in the face of a serious storm front? They're like big-wave surfers; undaunted and, as far as I can tell, out there for no other reason.

-Stepped outside before dawn this morning, looked up at the moon and thought, “Waning gibbous...meh”.

-A barking nation of dogs, convinced of postal malfeasance.

-I just realized that the (excellent, excellent) word "scamp" was derived from the (totally great) word "scamper". This occurred after I coined the term "scampin'", which takes it neatly back to verb-town. (Could also be a hip gerund or a great title for a jazz woodwind LP.)

-My territory feels over-charted.

-You know that Christmas-morning feeling when you're a kid? When you run downstairs to see what's under the tree? The opposite of that.

-When I curse mosquitoes it trends existential, with bees it's personal.

-This liver-detox tea tastes like it's passing judgement.

-This is absolute heresy, and if I posted it on Facebook where friends and family could see it, I would be run out of state on a rail. But I gotta get it off my chest: I prefer Jewish deli brisket. Apologies to the TX BBQ community, I've been living a lie.

-When I see the kind of people God talks to I wonder...does he have a self-esteem problem?

-F*ck. I'm out of adrenochrome...guess I'll just be takin' my coffee black this morning.

-The despair of her company, the agony of her departure.

-Given inflation, that $26 in Lou Reed's hand would be worth $194 today.

-I do tend to spend less time w/my gay friends after they come out. Not because I’m a homophobe or anything...I just prefer the company of people who are secretive and uncomfortable.

-Just ate a crisp apple in a hot shower on a cold day and told myself "Now THIS is decadent" like some kind of lonely lo-fi Caligula or something vaccinate me now.

-Sometimes the mouser will disappear for a day or two, and every time she comes back I ask "So how was the Jellicle Ball?". Man she f*cking hates that.

-Just put Sriracha on a salt-bagel...am now compelled to move to Austin and open a food truck, probably.

-There's something "architectural" about a good cable-knit.

-The invigorating shock of a lungful of arctic air, the bracing sting of the elements and my breath hanging before me - visible evidence of the season. I love it. Just not, you know, in my apartment.

-I just shouted "Do I look like a damn cat valet?" at someone and it's a good thing it's warming up again 'cause we both need some space.

-This is a true story about a dream...

-My biggest fear about going to prison right now, at this point in my life, is having to hand-write letters w/out spellcheck. Did it recently...terrifying.

-"I don't have any time for your goat drama!", he yelled at the goats, who were being dramatic.

-A shadow against the stars.

-"It was so unlike me, my life." - Tina Turner

-She wasn't around long enough to burn a bridge, she just splashed gasoline on a pile of building materials and lit it with our design sketches.

-First day back in a bar after like, 15 months and the bartender (a friend) took me right into the storeroom, where I dropped trou and she spanked me with the craft-beer "flight board" and yeah I've been away too long. (Also she could have hit me harder tbh)

-Zoomorphically speaking, Batman and Robin should have worked in shifts.

-You OK, hon? Yeah...what time is it? You remember me coming by? Huh? You were asleep in your driveway... In the truck? No, you'd stretched out on the pavement. Huh. The cat was worried and left a dead mouse by you, I got you in and took your boots off. Well...I appreciate both of you.

-Spacious room for improvement with an open floor-plan, me.

-Cy Twombly's concept sketches.

-Not saying my lifestyle is self-destructive or anything, but I did just refer to staying at home with COVID this week as "an opportunity to chill out and hit reset".

-Had a rough 'shroom experience Thursday, the night of the hard freeze and somewhere, staggering about disoriented in those cold dark hours, I lost a glove. A lovely modern glove made of warm synthetic material. Retraced my path...did an animal take it for her nest/lair? Where is it?

-My goal is to leave my goddamn phone charger in a hotel room on every continent.

-This spider bite on my face has festered for months, but I suspect no one was gonna ask me to the Winter Semi-Formal anyway so whatever

-I’ve never stood up and “objected” at a wedding, but I did wear a bolo-tie to one once so yeah; message sent.

-Navigating bath products in a lady's shower is as confusing as using a stranger's TV remote.

-Hell, made fresh daily.

-A friend who (clearly) hadn’t slept in two days called me to help her smuggle a kitten into a music festival…and yeah I mean what are friends for

-I'm sure June Bugs mean well...they're just so fucking inelegant.

 

 

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