3:06 p.m. - 2023-12-15
Dear Santa
Five things I thought would play a bigger role in my exciting grown-up life, but haven't so much...
Ninja Throwing Stars One day I just found myself getting by without them, somehow.
Invisible Ink Secrets are a big deal when you're a little kid! Guess I hoped mine would turn out to be more interesting?
Jewel-Crusted Goblets Long before I'd had my first taste of the grape, I assumed (all too correctly) that I'd want some of what those knights and kings were swillin'. So presuming I was gonna entertain guests, I mean...
Bearskin Rugs I started imagining sex before I really understood it, and my early fantasies were ambiguously tactile. I gathered one of these was essential.
Secret Doors There's still hope for this one. I've built Murphy beds, sliding bookcases and hidden-rooms/gun-vaults for wealthy clients, so I know all the construction tricks, and could certainly build one of my own. Would a secret door in my tiny room, concealed on the same wall as an existing, totally-evident, door strike some as curious and redundant? Probably. And might the fact that they both opened out to the exact same place seem odder-still? Sure...but that's exactly why nobody would suspect it.
