10:29 a.m. - 2023-06-04
Isla-bound
I cannot stop laughing. I can't.
Last time I renewed my passport by mail the process took less than five weeks, I believe. These forms were submitted many months before an impending trip to Belize, via regular post, and at modest expense, because I knew time was on my side. That said; my understanding then was that, had I needed to expedite the process, I could guarantee processing within a month by paying a haste-premium in addition to the normal fee. I could cut-in-line by loosing my wallet, basically...which is like, how sh*t works in life so whatever. But that “within a month” timeline stuck in my memory. So 10 years later, preparing for another vacation-abroad with expired credentials, I proceeded under the same presumption.
I should mention that my renewal process “window” coincided with the “months long depression-fueled bender” I referenced in another entry, and a lot of things were executed sloppily (if at all) then. Also that, to be honest, I'm a natural procrastinator even-when-sober but...having resigned myself to paying the expediting fee, I felt comfortable mailing my forms in five weeks before my trip.
Said comfort level decreased when I logged in to the State Dept's “Passport Application Status” website to discover that “Due to increased demand expedited service can take 7-9 weeks”.
This would not do.
I found some hope/solace though in a phone number. A number that, should you find yourself two weeks away from your departure date and still-bereft of a passport, you were instructed to call. I was also assigned an 8-digit “application locator number”. So like a good citizen I waited two-weeks-to-the-day from my trip and called. No luck...disconnected due to high call volume. This happened every day for a week, at which point I began to call hourly. This spirit of perseverance earned me, eventually, the privilege of being on hold for an hour and forty minutes. What a relief though, right? To know that, at the end of it all, someone would flag your application and speed-up the process in accordance w/your travel time-line?
Not so much.
The gentleman I eventually spoke with had the curious and unfortunate job of telling people who'd been on hold for hours that he could be of no assistance whatsoever. Expressing zero interest in my name, my travel plans or the “application locator number” that I'd been writing on the back of my hand every morning for a week, his task was to suggest that I call again tomorrow. To call again in the hopes that an appointment at an actual physical passport processing center opened up. While I chafed at the idea of having to drive to San Antonio to do this in-person, I asked him where the address was just in case. He didn't know where San Antonio was, asking me if I was closer to a “big city”...um, Austin? Nopers. Houston, Dallas and El Paso were my only options; so yeah at least a 10 hr round trip to stand in line in hopes of getting' the damn thing. After one more call w/the same answer I just wrote the whole thing off, my trip.
An airplane seat would have to head to MX and return empty, and a way-too-big for one person hotel suite on the beach would sit unoccupied for 5 days. It's the kind of lesson you learn once every 10 years I guess...or maybe not. Motherf*cker showed up in the mail yesterday. Saturday afternoon. My flight out is tomorrow morning. Unannounced and unexpected—my dang passport showed up at the Last. Possible. Minute. All I could do was laugh.
I laughed again too when, realizing I had to pack this morning, I rifled through my travel-backpack in search of my reef-safe sunscreen (this slathered-up Pisces will dive any and everywhere, but I ain't stressin' sea turtles anymore) and discovered 5,500 Pesos (roughly $300 US) that I'd apparently neglected to exchange upon returning from a previous trip. So yeah taco-budget = covered.
I'm not a spiritual person (quite the opposite in fact), but it sure feels like the helping hand of a higher power took the wheel this weekend, like he wanted me to be in Mexico tomorrow. So please accept my humble thanks Ak'b'al, Mayan jaguar god of fire, and know that I will (as always) honor your magnanimity with an appropriate and commensurate sacrifice.
Muchos besos kiddos, I'll send a postcard!
